87 days until I turn 44

A lot has happened in the last 2 years since I posted here. I made a lot of progress in my A1C number, getting it down to 7.4 I think at the last check. I lost a good bit of weight during covid – going from 265lb to 235lbs, but don’t rejoice just yet, I’ve put 25lbs back on and this morning I’m 260lbs and my blood sugar has been running very high again over the last couple months – likely related to my weight gain.

I have 87 days until I turn 44. I started this blog years ago to focus on weight loss. And by many accounts, I’ve seen some success – I was at one point in this blog’s history, +295lbs. So even at 260lbs, I’m better than I started, but still struggling a bit.

My current focus is diabetes. So here are my very short term goals:

  1. Take my medication every day
  2. Test my blood sugar every day
  3. Get 10k steps as measured by my fitbit watch
  4. Cut clearly sugary foods out of my diet (sweet cereal, candy, BBQ sauce, etc)
  5. Go to the gym with my son 3 or more times per week (this is a stretch goal)
  6. Keep track of these goals daily

That’s it. 6 goals. 87 days.

The outcome I’m hoping for is a lower A1C. I don’t have 87 days for that one – my blood work is scheduled for Aug 17th – which is only 47 days away and based on my recent glucose numbers could still be up from the last check even if I am successful in all my goals. I’m prepared for that mentally.

I believe I will lose some of my recent weight gain along the way but its not a primary goal. Any weight lose will be a secondary benefit.

My name is Dale, and I’m diabetic

This isn’t a new diagnosis – but I need to publicly acknowledge my situation. I’ve managed my adult onset, type 2 diabetes in the past with diet and exercise, but in recent years (I’ll say at least the last 3 years), I haven’t managed the disease at all. My current situation is an A1C number over 10 (normal is 5.9 and lower). My daily blood sugar runs well over 250, sometimes hitting well over 400 and 500.

This disease will kill me if I don’t address it. I believe medication and shots (which I have never been on) are ways the medical industry has offered to “manage” a curable disease. The cure isn’t a mystery and its not disputed by most medical professionals. The cure is to remove sugar (including simple carbohydrates) from my diet.

I’ve already ‘tested’ this ‘cure’ and found my blood sugar levels come down below 200 almost immediately (like day 2 of any sugar restriction). That’s still not ‘normal’ – which would be a lot closer to 80-100. After a week of disciplined diet and I drop to below 150. Beyond that I do what I’ve done so often that it inspired the title of this blog – I quit… again!

This week, I’ve started rowing 1000 meters every morning – which only takes less than 5 mins. I have looked at my diet and made different choices over the last few days, but I keep saying “ok, tomorrow I’ll start in earnest…” right before I make a really bad food choice.

Why am I putting all of this into a blog post for a blog I haven’t written in for like 10 months? Because I’m hoping that writing these thoughts out will help me to focus, to stay the course, to change a life long bad habit of making choices against my best interests… and because my name is Dale, and I’m diabetic.

The pain of regret has become a chronic pain in my life

“The pain for Regret must be greater than the pain of Discipline.”

I heard the statement above on a YouTube video this morning. My immediate thought was “but its not.” I asked myself why. Why is the discipline more painful than the regret. I regret eating candy last night, but the pain of saying no last night was greater even now. I didn’t wake up angry of my actions last night. I woke up mildly bothered by my actions. I step on the scale and I’m disappointed but not angry. Why? What makes one pain greater than the other? How can I change?

The pain of regret has become a chronic pain in my life. I’ve learned ‘pain management’ for regret. I’ve learned to live with it. I almost don’t even notice it now, but its ever present.

I named this blog so many years ago, “I quit…again!” I’ve learned since that I can’t seem to quit making bad food choices. I can’t seem to quit choosing to watch TV instead of go for a walk. I can’t seem to quit living with the regret of bad decisions and poor self discipline.