#328: My Biggest Secret – I have never told anyone this before

I started this post with a different title and a different purpose, but as I wrote it – I realized there are things keeping me from losing weight that I need to deal with.

Let me start by saying, I’m not into the touchy feely weight loss therapy that you see on TV shows like The Biggest Loser; I don’t blame my gold fish that died when I was 12, giving me a sense of abandonment causing me to force feed my face for the next fifteen years.

I’m not a victim and I don’t blame others for my problems – even if an outside force contributes to my situation, I can only be responsible for my actions, not others.  So spending time thinking about how someone else hurt me or “made me” over eat goes against my grain.  I can imagine my weight loss therapy session now – it would go like the Geico commercial with former drill instructor R. Lee Ermey as a therapist:

Me: “And that’s why my gold fish made me fat, I think”

R. Lee Ermey: “That’s interesting; you know what I think makes you fat? – YOU DO, YOU JACK WAGON!  Stop shoveling food into your face and maybe we can find a waist line for you!…     Tissue?”

…Pausing this post to enjoy the visual I just created above… I’m told its bad to laugh at your own jokes, but I can’t help it – that would be a funny commercial – not sure what we would be selling, but I’m still laughing…

Ok – back to my post – What’s my big secret that I’ve never told anyone?  Its not as juicy as a political scandal or an affair, but here it is – I don’t believe I can lose weight, so I’m not actually trying all that hard.

I spent so many years trying to lose weight without any success that I eventually just gave up.  I still went through the motions of trying to lose weight but deep in my head and heart, I had lost hope that I even could.  I never admit that I have given up to anyone, myself included.

Often, I still imagine myself as a thin person but in the same way I think of winning the lottery – it would be great, think of all the things you could do – but its just a fantasy and will never happen.  I used to think I wanted to lose weight like I wish I could play the piano – I think it would be cool, but not enough to actually do what it takes.  But this isn’t as close to the true way that I feel as the lottery analogy because I do feel like if I actually wanted to play the piano, I could learn.

I don’t believe I can lose weight any more than I can win the lottery.  I don’t buy lottery tickets because I have absolutely no confidence that I can win.  If I thought I could actually win, you couldn’t stop me from buying tickets.  In other words – I don’t commit to losing weight entirely because I don’t believe I can actually lose weight.

How do I change my mind?  I don’t think I’ve gotten religious in this blog often – but my faith dictates that to change your behavior, you must first renew (or change) your mind.  This is where I’m struggling – until this blog post, I don’t think I have ever said out loud that I don’t think its possible.  Until I change my thinking, I will continue to justify breaking my diet or excuse myself from my exercise…

Now I know the problem – and I have no idea how to fix it!

8 thoughts on “#328: My Biggest Secret – I have never told anyone this before

  1. Whoa, that’s deep. It seems like we are at the same realization but mine is that I’m poor! I’m also at the same place, finally admitting it. I denied it and ran from it for over 20 years, stripping, working 3 jobs, workin, workin, working trying to make it “untrue” and actually getting nowhere. That part is not the same but rather that I finally said Wow! I’m poor, I think poor, I live in the red too…I can’t believe I spent all those years trying to build my “own empire” and it ended in rubbish…well, yea I can, haahaaa. But Now, I understand this is exactly where God wants me, back where I started, a marker in time where there was a cross road, I could trust Him or I could work hard, really hard. Now, I’m gonna trust Him. My fat issues, well I blame it on having kids and I know that is partially true. The other part is avoiding my high sex drive and wanting someone to love me for what’s inside instead of what I look like (which is what I feel like happened all those years?) I also realize it’s both, it’s a package and I want the whole enchilada! Time for the cliche’ “you have to admit it before God can change it” now begins the road to success, God plants our feet on solid ground and on the ROCK! thru Him`we can do it…. <3 ya bro! and God's speed to us both in reaching our goals :)

  2. Perhaps what you are saying is exactly why/how those people go to the touchy feely stuff. There is a reason we do what we do and we can’t renew or thinking if we can’t identify what it is. It’s clear that you have mentioned a need to repent- change, change direction, and/or change one’s mind. To do that one will have to find the root cause that leads to the action. We know that eating a whole pizza in one setting is not hunger, than what is it? We often get ourselves to do things because of the payoff at the end (such as work). So, why don’t you believe you can lose weight? Why is food your best friend and not an emotionless fuel for your body? To repent here one must find out what to repent from before they can repent from it. For example, if you are motivated by fear than you would need to increase faith. So, how do you find this out? Ask yourself the hard questions. What does the overeating do for you? What does it fill inside? When/why did it start? What can you with that instead? Where is the need to repent (renew the mind) here? Unless you have some problem with your body than your thought process here is not rooted in facts but emotions that are hidden away, ruling you thoughts and actions like some little weird man hidden away calling the shoots like in Oz. Once you find it you can confront it.

    Disclaimer: for those of you who maybe offend that the usage of the word repent may have suggested that Dale is headed to hell, rather than send me hate comments please simply…repent (you chuck wagon).

    1. @CD – I think you have moved to far into touchy feely for me – I need to change my mind (or repent as you put it) from the thinking that I cannot lose weight regardless of how hard I try. I eat because I’m bored, tired, excited, sad, etc, etc – which is just classic emotional eating. I overeat because I don’t stop eating until I am out of food. If there are pizza slices left – I’m still eating. If there is ice cream left, I’m still eating. I stop when I get to the end not when I’m full.

      When I’m paying attention I can stop eating when I’m full. And when I’m not on auto-pilot I can recognize emotional eating before I go there. My challenge is that as long as I don’t think I can lose weight – I have a hard time dedicating myself to paying attention and coming off auto-pilot.

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