I’m in a bad place. I can feel it – the mental wall I usually hit when I was approaching 280lbs. Currently I’m at 277lbs (I’m bouncing between 274 and 278), and dispite being at my lowest weight in years, I still feel the familiar feeling of failure.
Its the feeling I get when I know this time is over and I’m on the way UP on the scale. I find myself thinking “I hope I can keep at this weight for a few weeks before I start gaining again”.
I’m tired. I don’t think I’ve had enough sleep lately. Last night I only ran a 6k and today I don’t think I’m going to run at all, because I’m tired (Update, nope – didn’t run!). But that’s not the point.
The point is I’m hitting a mental wall and I’m in a dark place but I’m trying to find the light. I don’t want to quit again. So – what am I doing to find my way out of this dark place? I do have a race scheduled this Saturday – a 12k in fact. Of course, not having run today isn’t helping me to be ready for that.
I’ve also been looking at old photos. I noticed that I’ve lost a bit more weight than I realized. According to MyFitnessPal (the site I used two years ago when I started tracking my weightloss here on IQA), I’ve lost 31lbs! So to help me celebrate my gains in weight loss – which is to say my loses, I’ve put back the weight loss badge in the sidebar!
I’m going to climb out of this place – I will NOT Quit Again!