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#291: I’m in a dark place

I’m in a bad place.  I can feel it – the mental wall I usually hit when I was approaching 280lbs.  Currently I’m at 277lbs (I’m bouncing between 274 and 278), and dispite being at my lowest weight in years, I still feel the familiar feeling of failure.

Its the feeling I get when I know this time is over and I’m on the way UP on the scale.  I find myself thinking “I hope I can keep at this weight for a few weeks before I start gaining again”.

I’m tired.  I don’t think I’ve had enough sleep lately.  Last night I only ran a 6k and today I don’t think I’m going to run at all, because I’m tired (Update, nope – didn’t run!).  But that’s not the point.

The point is I’m hitting a mental wall and I’m in a dark place but I’m trying to find the light.  I don’t want to quit again.  So – what am I doing to find my way out of this dark place?  I do have a race scheduled this Saturday – a 12k in fact.  Of course, not having run today isn’t helping me to be ready for that.

I’ve also been looking at old photos.  I noticed that I’ve lost a bit more weight than I realized.  According to MyFitnessPal (the site I used two years ago when I started tracking my weightloss here on IQA), I’ve lost 31lbs!  So to help me celebrate my gains in weight loss – which is to say my loses, I’ve put back the weight loss badge in the sidebar!

I’m going to climb out of this place – I will NOT Quit Again!

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