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#71: I have no idea where to go from here… I’ve gained weight

I've gained a lot of weight

Several weeks ago while training for the Missoula Marathon, I had a sudden gain of 10 lbs in two days. At first I thought it was water weight – I had eaten a salty meal the day before, but when the weight didn’t come off over the next few days, I got discouraged. Very discouraged.

Discouragement led to additional over eating. I put on another 5 lbs in the weeks just before the marathon. When I started my 26.2 mile run a week ago, I was almost 280 lbs. Since the marathon, I’ve spent a week on the road. A week eating fast food and junk snacks. I’ve put on another 5 lbs.

If you are doing the math – then you already know… I’m back up to 285 lbs. I’m scared. I spent years at 285 lbs – unable to break the 280 lbs mark. And now I found myself here again.

I have 71 days until my 34th birthday. Originally I was hoping to be under 250 lbs by the marathon. That seemed very possible when I was 263 lbs over a month before the marathon – but after the mystery weight gain, that went out of the window.

I would love to set that as a goal for my 34th birthday but I would have to lose almost 4 lbs a week – which isn’t realistic. The truth is – I really am scared… Can I lose weight?

I rode my bicycle on a 735 mile tour in 2007 and didn’t lose weight. I just ran a marathon and I not only didn’t lose weight, I gained it! What am I doing to sabotage myself? Why do I continue to fail myself and my family?

I have no idea where to go from here… Am I always going to be fat? Since I turned 33, I’ve been trying to live “a year on purpose” – but right now… I just don’t know.

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