Ever eat food you hated because it was low cal and still not keep weight off? I use to all the time.

The program with all those programs for me was twofold:

1. White-knuckle all the time.
2. Coming off the program.

The white-knuckle was a zone that I would enter into in order to follow the diet program. Eat this and don’t eat that. I could be in this zone for long periods of time but always knowing I could not live in this zone for the rest of my life.

This always led to the problem of coming off the program and eventual weight gain, AGAIN.

Paul McKenna has changed my total perspective of food. Okay, maybe it is more like changing it not changed.

I still have trouble looking at all the food on my plate and saying “I’m full, leave it”.  That’s not my biggest problem though. I have noticed that TV watching and over eating went hand and for me and that has been hard to break.

Who knew you could say no to so much food by just asking yourself “am I full”?

Today I did eat more but I don’t believe it was in a rage or crazy craving. I do have to vigorously fight one urge, weighing myself. I’ll explain more about this one tomorrow.

Breakfast:

Cooked 2 eggs, 1 potato, ½  red onion, and ¾ a red pepper. Ate all the veggies nut a little egg and ¼ of the potato.

Lunch:

Fiber bar and yogurt. Ate it all.

Dinner:

Salad & pudding. Didn’t eat all the salad. Later had 2 spoonfuls of peanuts with some chocolate chips and then 3 slices of ham (for the record I don’t think I ate any of this on a binge or emotional craving).

Do you have a dog?  Do you remember when he was just a puppy?  Cute and playful, with that puppy breath and waggly tail?

Now imagine someone coming into your home and telling you that you don’t need the puppy and that having a playful puppy that you enjoy spending time with is not only something you do not have to do, it is actually something you must stop doing.  Upsetting right?  You might even ask that person to leave.

I’ve read Albert’s posts on how this diet has changed his view on food – I’m not there yet.  I’ve successfully changed my actions for six meals.  This program has very (I mean VERY) simple rules – eat whatever you want, only eat when you are hungry, stop eating when you are full.

The problem is, I don’t eat because I’m hungry.  I eat because I enjoy it.  I love food.  I enjoy the experience of eating.  Its my puppy!  And this guy comes into my home to say – stop playing with that dog!

While going through my old draft posts (I have almost 20 of them) – I came across this:

Are you Full? Not if there is food left…
June 9, 2009 at 8:37 pm

A couple of nights ago, I ate four slices of pizza.  I consider that a victory – why? Because there were four pieces left in the box when I stopped. Most people won’t get it – but for me, that was a victory.  A difficult one.  Very difficult.  I don’t eat until I’m full… I eat until the food is gone.  But this time, I left food on the table and walked away.

Is that a victory? Last night I thought yes.  But today I heard a story about addiction that made me feel like I’m so very far away from any kind of victory.  Some people that read my blog will think, that’s right, you should have never had the pizza in your house!  Others will think, its a step in the right direction, don’t be discouraged, you can do it, one step at a time.  I move between both camps – conviction and encouragement.  (I know the encouragement crowd would call the conviction crowd more of a condemnation group, but I disagree)…

I don’t remember the “story about addition” I referred to and I don’t know where I was going with the post (maybe that’s why I abandoned it?), but I do still remember my point.  I don’t eat until I’m ‘full’ – I eat until the food is gone; or at least I used to.

Yesterday was day 2 of the Tubbs’ challenge, and I believe I have successfully stopped eating when I got full.  I have left food on my plate for six meals now.  I pasted the doughnuts at the end of the isle at work today – not because I wasn’t allowed to eat them, but because I had just eaten half a bowl of breakfast oatmeal and wasn’t hungry.  For lunch I had one of those left over mini-burgers from last nights dinner and for dinner I left half a plate of spaghetti on my plate.

I’m not starved when I follow this program – in fact, its likely exactly how most ‘naturally’ skinny people live their lives.  I understand now why people say things like “I want to save room for dessert” – they stop eating when they are full so they stop eating the main course before they are full so they can eat a few bites of a dessert.  For me, its never been a this OR that decision, its always been this AND that.

Ok – I understand that I have to decided if my puppy is worth playing with.  I know its really a rabies infected foaming at the mouth mad dog that is going to kill me… but I love him… I may not be ‘there’ yet regarding this program, but I’m becoming more aware of why I’m over weight…

See you tomorrow…

My mindset towards food has totally changed.

When I would eat food (before reading Paul McKenna’s book) I had varied thoughts, which I now realize contributed to my obesity.

Breakfast:

Not sure when lunch might be so I better eat my full.

Lunch:

Might be a late dinner so I should eat up

Dinner:

Not suppose to eat after 6PM and it’s a long time till breakfast. So … you guessed it, I better eat up.

Plus, I was often consumed my thoughts of food. What would eat, when I would eat next, how many calories should I eat now, if I eat this I’ll just skip the next meal and the list goes on from there.

Today, I thought little about food and ate little. My thoughts were not any point today overtaken by food. Oh, I thought about food but only when decided what to eat.

It took me nearly 60 minutes before I could eat breakfast because I didn’t know what I wanted. I ended up having 2 pieces of cinnamon raisin toast (didn’t eat it all) and yogurt.

At lunch I attempted to eat some leftover Chinese food from last night but I couldn’t eat it. Why? Thanks for asking by the way, because I didn’t want it. Chewing food slowly really allowed to me taste food and realized that at least today I didn’t want it. I got a yogurt and decided I was full anyway.

For dinner I was truly gracing salad. I know right? Crazy! But when I got home dinner had already been made. Chocolate chip pancakes. I was really upset about it. Seriously I was upset.

Total mind change. I was sitting there eating a meal that included CHOCOLATE and was thinking “this is not salad”. I ate two pancakes (a normal would have been at least six) and one sausage patty. I then had a half a cup of Honey Nut Cheerios.

I probably also have some pudding sometime before bed. Oh, I think around 60 ounces of water and no other fluid. Soda sounded gross!

Truly, I’m not having mad cravings and for the first time in my life I feel in control of food.

This only day two, though.