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I’m never “starting” a diet again!

I keep having “false starts”. Its where you say I’m going to get back on the diet/weightloss wagon… starting tomorrow! But then you don’t. Or you do well all day that new “first” day until 10pm at night… when you consume 1200 calories in 30 mins and think, I guess I’m “starting” tomorrow…

Today I was on. I logged all my food and I worked out. I didn’t start a diet. I didn’t begin a weight loss program. I just did today. And I did it right. Tomorrow is another day to contend with and I’ll tackle it tomorrow.

I don’t ever want to “start” again. Just deal with today. Maybe I’ll put a enough todays in the win column to see a lot more tomorrows.

I eat

I eat and I eat and I can’t seem to stop. It hurts to be so controlled by addiction. I want to be free.

Is the answer in my faith? My family or friends? Is there no answer to be had? Will I continue this struggle the rest of my life???

I eat and I eat and I can’t seem to stop. It hurts.

I want to be free.

Praying for a Plateau

UGH! It never ends. I’m either gaining or losing and lately its been gaining. Two years ago, I started on the Eat to Live program and over the first 6 weeks I lost 40 lbs – I got down to 249lbs and I felt amazing.

I feel like I’m either clawing my way down the scale or free falling my way up it.

It was the first time I had been below 250lbs since the first time I went above 250lbs. Then I got discouraged at a perceived lack of progress. The scale stopped moving down and just hovered at 250lbs for a few weeks.

Weeks turned into months and hovering at 250lbs turned into climbing to 260, 270, 280+… I put back on all the weight I had lost. I was discouraged. My “set point” for body weight appears to be 285lbs looking over the last 10 years. I was at one point as high as 330lbs but for the most part, 285 has been the mark.

Eat to Live changed the way I eat and the way I think about food. It had and continues to have an impact on my daily food choices. But I’m a food addict. I know not to eat crap and I do it anyway.

Back in Nov I started running again. I got in shape to run a marathon in Jan and I did it. I signed up for half marathons throughout the year and I started pushing myself to make good food choices. At the same time, I purchased the FitBit Force and have been using it to monitor my daily activity level and as a goal, I’ve attempted to reach all the daily FitBit goals (number of steps, calories burned, stairs climbed, active mins., distance traveled).

Through all these methods, I began again making progress on my health – getting my body weight down to 238lbs – an all time new low since gaining most of the weight when my first-born arrived 10 years ago. Then I failed. The months of running, eating healthy, hitting the stairs at 10:45pm and the treadmill at 11pm to ensure all green from fitbit by the midnight cut off had suddenly become overwhelming and I quit.

Without the daily exercise and healthy food choices, I found myself consuming an additional 1500-2000 calories a day AFTER 10pm. Time I was burning 500-1000 calories each day had suddenly become a free for all eating binge. Now I’m back up to 255lbs.

My back is in constant pain – which is new for me. Even at 330lbs, I have never dealt with back pain.  I feel like I’m either clawing my way down the scale or free-falling my way up it. I need a plateau. I’m begging for a new set point. A new weight that my daily activities and eating habits naturally maintain so that I can simply take a break from the fight.

When most people refer to having hit a plateau, they mean that even with the same level of daily activities and the same level of food intake, they are no longer seeing the same level of progress. I just want to focus on anything other than my food, my workout, my eating, my running… over and over and never endingly over struggle to get and stay healthy.