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Call Me FAT But Be Creative Doing It!

I have been shamelessly self promoting my blog since I started it over a month ago using social tools like Digg, Reddit, Facebook, Twitter, Yahoo, and Google, just to name a few.  I always knew that the shotgun approach to get the word out about my blog would bring in the kind of readers that will be able to relate to my plight and enjoy my writing, but eventually the wrong crowd would stop by… and comment.  Last night, Dirk left the following comment on my Biggest Loser post (a post worth reading in my opinion!):

Wow, I’m amazed that you can type whole paragraphs without hitting the wrong keys with your fatty fat fingers! I hope you don’t get short of breath from your bursts of creativity – Dirk

At first, I responded kindly (feel free to go read my response) but I got to thinking about it and the more I did the more it bothered me.  Not that this guy responded with a negative comment – but that he couldn’t come up with anything better than “fatty fat fingers”.  Inspired by the 20 better big nose insults scene in Roxanne (1987 with Steve Martin), I feel obligated to give 20 better insults to fat people than fatty fat fingers, because we deserve at the least some creativity:

  1. Let’s start with obvious: ‘scuse me, is that your belt or a life sized map of the Phoenix 101 outer loop?
  2. Pop Culture Reference:  I heard you were going to the new Britney Spears Concert ‘Circus’, I didn’t realize you were going as the big top.
  3. Sociable: They say you can look smaller if you just get bigger friends, I hear the Phoenix Zoo elephants are lonely.
  4. Sympathetic: Aw, how does it feel to have never been felt? Ok, that one hurt…
  5. Geographic: As a kid you must have had fun playing hopscotch while learning the states; “Texas…Alabama…North Carolina…Pennsylvania…”.
  6. Technological: Can your baby pictures still be seen on Google Earth?
  7. Oceanic: When you jumped in the gulf in Panama City, the tide came in at Myrtle Beach.
  8. Festive: At Halloween, you were heard saying “Trick or Meatloaf”.
  9. Humorous: Laugh and the world laughs with you, Fast and Farmers file bankruptcy.
  10. Scientific and Complimentary: Since gravity is based on mass, you are the most attractive person I’ve ever met!
  11. Environmental: When your done with it, mind if we use your shirt to cover the hole in the ozone?
  12. Religious: The Lord Giveth, and you eat-th.
  13. Musical: When you dance at a concert the whole band skips!
  14. Personal: I realize you are actually a skinny guy trapped in a big man’s body but did you know there’s enough room in there to invite 5 or 6 of your friends.
  15. Clever: If the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach – you must have a six lane super highway to your heart!
  16. Envious: I wish I were you – it must be nice to have your own zip code.
  17. Appreciative: In a world so focused on personal apperance, I really like how refuse to follow the crowd!
  18. Impressed: And people say the pyramids are big!
  19. Challenged: and here I thought Mt Everest was going to be hard to scale… [pun intended… think about it!]
  20. Geeky: You are so fat, you should start a blog!

Well Dirk – here are at least twenty things you could have said that were more inventive than ‘fatty fat fingers’… but anyway you say it, I think you are a jerky jerk-jerk with no style, imagination, or intelligence.  Com’on my fellow fat friends – let Dirk and others like him hear it – gimme your best insults!  Or just take a second to blast Dirk… Oh and don’t forget to Digg, Reddit, Facebook, yahoo, and tweet this post!  Make me proud!

13 thoughts on “Call Me FAT But Be Creative Doing It!

  1. You keep on doing what you are doing to reach your goal. Don’t let small-minded jerks like that discourage you. You are better than that. A year from now when you are healthier and fitting into your new wardrobe, it will have been worth it. My prayers are with you.

    1. Thanks M! I’ll keep going – I hope this post comes across as light hearted as I meant it – I’m not upset because of Dirk’s comment – fatty fat fingers dirk is most likely a pre-teen surfing the web, without parental consent…

  2. To play devil’s advocate: I can maybe see where all of this pimping yourself out for page hits / feed your own ego might really be annoying. It’s ok to be proud and share your struggle just don’t try to make a promotional vehicle out of it.

    1. Sure – As you can tell from my post, I make no secrete that I’m shamelessly self promoting my blog – I’ve done a lot in the past to lose weight without success – but so far, this blog is the best run I’ve ever had – I’ve lost 21lbs, I continue to lose and I continue to focus on my weight because of this blog – I’m not feeding my own ego (i’m assuming there’s a pun there) but I am building a support group with some accountability that’s working for me.

      Dirks comment was irrelevant – I’m glad I was able to gain some inspiration from it for this post – and to think I didn’t even run out of breath doing it!

  3. Or Dirk is actually 800 lbs and bed ridden, but out of his lack of self-esteem he feels the need to pick on the weight of others to deflect from his own issues…. Or maybe he’s a chain smoker, or a pot head, or an alcoholic….. Whatever the case, cutting others down doesn’t really make him feel better about himself. It only emphasizes his need to make changes in his own life… like we all need to do!

    Anywho… as my fingers flew over the keys typing this comment the thought crossed my mind that contrary to Dirk’s ridiculous comment you probably have rather fit fingers with all of the blogging you do. I mean…. isn’t typing like running for the fingers? 😉

    I know… I’m a funny girl!

    Anywho, Dale, I’ve started blogging myself. Well more officially than I had in the past. People can decide for themselves whether to thank you or blame you, but you definitely inspire me. Anywho, I will only shamelessly plug my blog to you right now (and I suppose the myriad of strangers who read my comments to you). Come visit http://whenwordsfailmusicexpresses.blogspot.com/ and tolerate my ramblings whenever you want!

    1. I laughed out loud – my fingers have run a marathon!!! I love it! Does your blog focus on weight loss? If it does, I’ll add it to my weight loss blog roll… Let me know!

      1. I’m glad I made you laugh! Nice to know I can return the favor every once in a while!

        My blog will talk about my walking journey, but will also talk about a lot of other stuff; life in general and my quest to look forward to everyday. So anywho…. come pester me, but not necessary to add me to your blog roll.

  4. The worst part is that he came to your sandbox to take his dump. There’s no call for it.

    And I hear twitter adds 20 pounds.

    Nice goal. I have one like it, but revolves around debt, not weight. I’ve been thinking of creating a blog to plot my progress or lack of, but haven’t yet. Maybe soon.

    christopher….

    1. Twitter = time suck… :o)

      Thanks for commenting – I have several IT Friends so if you need any help getting a blog built let me know! Ping me back once you do have a debt-loss blog up – I’d love to learn how to do that next!

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