You said it right when you pointed out that people read into something more then what was meant, which is why I think its important to be thoughtful before you make an issue of your diet choices in public. Just because you aren’t deliberately being hurtful, doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible for how and what you say – intentions are great but “I didn’t mean it that way” doesn’t ‘un-ring the bell’ when it comes to peoples feelings.

My wife had a dream early in our marriage that I cheated on her – she knew it was a dream but I was still in the dog house for a few hours that morning… If you can consider others you should… I won’t eat bad food to make someone else feel bad – but I won’t make my diet a public one in a format that might put others to shame.

What I meant was, if you are not being deliberately hurtful to another person, then you are not responsible for how they feel about what you say. Women–and I’m going to get hate mail for saying this–are notorious for reading more into something than what was meant. In your original scenario, Large Friend feels bad because you said “I’m not eating the rolls because there are too many carbs in them.” You didn’t say anything about Large Friend, or how many rolls he/she had, so why should this comment be hurtful to them? I can tell you that I am the Queen with a capital Q of reading more into something than is there, and I would not think twice if my dinner companion said that, and I certainly wouldn’t take it as a personal attack on me.

You sound like a nice guy, though, and I do applaud you for taking the feelings of others into account. Just don’t sacrifice your own needs for it. Life’s too short.

I think you are making my point with the tone of your comment – words like “obviously eating more” and “responsible for their own decisions” point to a negative view of their behavior – if they are ok with their weight and their eating habits, the shame comes when they feel like I am not OK with either.

Think of it this way – if you were a smoker that recently quit, and told your smoking friends that you quit because of how bad smoking is for you and how you are concerned for your kids because you used to smoke around them – how could your smoking friend NOT feel like you don’t approve of their smoking – EVEN if you aren’t ‘preaching’ the evils of smoking – only how it was wrong for you?

The person who is heavier than you and obviously eating more than you are is responsible for his/her own decisions, just as you are responsible for yours, and you have every right to give your reasons for not eating the dinner rolls without worrying about their feelings. If, on the other hand, you were “preaching” the evils of carbs to the person who just ate their third roll, that would be a different situation, and that person would then be within their rights to throw the dinner roll at your head.