I have found a new resolve birthed out of my anger. I’m still mad. Mad that I cannot seem to get below 285lbs. Mad that I treat myself the way that I do. Mad that I’ve done it so long that it has become a kind of autopilot business as usual activity for me to overeat. That anger has squared my shoulders and fixed my gate – I will not be denied! I am going to keep on this path – eating healthier choices, smaller portions, and moving more.
Today I was faced with several challenges – this morning I sit down in a meeting with a vendor and they pour these brownies out onto the table, right in front of me. For an hour I sat there and tried to pay attention to the content of the meeting but had a hard time earring over those brownies. I got mad. Angry that I wanted one, angry that they distracted me – and I made the decision – I will break 285lb! I will not eat this trash in front of me – I will break 285lbs! So I resisted.
I left the meeting having successfully resisted the temptation and what do I find at my desk? That’s right – a box of chocolates from another employee giving them out to our team. I was mad. Not at the sweet (pun intended) gesture from a co-worker – but at me for allowing myself to get this big. I will break 285lbs! I actually threw the chocolates to a cube beside me – my cubical neighbor was excited to have the extras and I needed them out of my reach.
For lunch I ate my planned meal (fish, broccoli, and rice). The rest of the day I found myself being faced with snacks and candies and cookies everywhere – and each time I walked away and said to myself “I will break 285lbs!” I walked around the building after lunch for about a mile. I took breaks from my work to walk up and down the stairs. I will break 285lbs! If I have to staple 285 to my head for the rest of the month – I will break 285lbs!
I have found new resolve. It may not work tomorrow – but it certinaly worked for me today!