I have found a new resolve birthed out of my anger.  I’m still mad.  Mad that I cannot seem to get below 285lbs.  Mad that I treat myself the way that I do.  Mad that I’ve done it so long that it has become a kind of autopilot business as usual activity for me to overeat.  That anger has squared my shoulders and fixed my gate – I will not be denied!  I am going to keep on this path – eating healthier choices, smaller portions, and moving more.

Today I was faced with several challenges – this morning I sit down in a meeting with a vendor and they pour these brownies out onto the table, right in front of me.  For an hour I sat there and tried to pay attention to the content of the meeting but had a hard time earring over those brownies.  I got mad.  Angry that I wanted one, angry that they distracted me – and I made the decision – I will break 285lb!  I will not eat this trash in front of me – I will break 285lbs!  So I resisted.

I left the meeting having successfully resisted the temptation and what do I find at my desk?  That’s right – a box of chocolates from another employee giving them out to our team.  I was mad.  Not at the sweet (pun intended) gesture from a co-worker – but at me for allowing myself to get this big.  I will break 285lbs!  I actually threw the chocolates to a cube beside me – my cubical neighbor was excited to have the extras and I needed them out of my reach.

For lunch I ate my planned meal (fish, broccoli, and rice).  The rest of the day I found myself being faced with snacks and candies and cookies everywhere – and each time I walked away and said to myself “I will break 285lbs!”  I walked around the building after lunch for about a mile.  I took breaks from my work to walk up and down the stairs.  I will break 285lbs!  If I have to staple 285 to my head for the rest of the month – I will break 285lbs!

I have found new resolve.  It may not work tomorrow – but it certinaly worked for me today!